What Is Born From The Ashes
by Katherine-Lupin-ENVER
Summary: A letter, a tragedy, a boat trip and a lot of unanswered questions are the starting point of the new adventure that Katara is undertaking. At the end of the line just one thing matters, saving Zuko and making sure that they all are alright.
1. The Arrival

Soooo... yeah, it has been quite a few long years since I published anything in this site, but lately I felt like writing again and I have always been a Fanfiction junkie so I thought: what better way to practice than by publishing all this freakish stories I have in my head. So, here I am, doing exactly that.

Many of you might not remember it but English is not my first language so if you find any mistakes, since this hasn't been betaed, know that it's because of that. And I'm accepting any type of correction and suggestions, and hell, even criticism, as long of course they are made kindly. And of course I'm taking as many reviews as you are willing to leave.

For now the story is just this. I was thinking to make this a multichaptered thing but I'm not sure and was getting kind of antsy and wanted some feedback before I invested even more time on it. Sad to find out that it is pure trash and no one is going to read it after writing more than a couple thousand words, not even talking about the hours invested in doing this... unpayed hours of work... on something people may or may not like. So yeah, I would love the feedback before going on with this. I may leave a poll in my profile so you can decide what I have to do. Yeah, also, the title is clearly a work in progress, I'm taking suggestions about that.

So, to end this incredibly long author's note that only maybe 30% of you are going to read here goes that thingy that we all know that actually doesn't work legally speaking. Disclaimer: no, way! I do NOT own any of these characters and I'm clearly making abuse of a creative commons license obtained by this site. Yeah, nice.

Hope you enjoy.

Kat

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Katara arrived to the Fire Nation on a most ominous day. It was so clouded that the sky was almost as dark as night though it was barely early afternoon. She got off the ship hastily and for the first time in a long while she was glad to be off the water. The sea had been much too turbulent to travel and a storm was brewing in the horizon. The atmosphere was full of a foreboding feeling, however she was not sure if it was actually something she had been carrying with herself since she received that messenger hawk.

She was prepared to walk to the palace from the port city but was happily surprised to see Iroh waiting for her with a palanquin and a whole retinue. She smiled to herself and chastised her own stupid notion that she would have to get to the palace by her own means. For Tui and La's sake she had been summoned here, it was to be expected that they would be attentive to her arrival.

She walked down the port approaching the old general who looked a little worse for wear compared to the last time they had shared a cup of tea in his tea shop in Ba Sing Seh. As soon as she was in front of him he bowed with far more respect than she was used to from someone she considered a dear close friend. It was obvious that the situation had left them all at odds with how to go on after it. If Iroh was reacting this way she was suspicious that even her worse imaginations wouldn't be close to the despair that Zuko must be feeling at the moment. This truly was a bad day to be back in the Fire Nation, and an even worse reason had brought her here.

"Master Katara, I'm grateful you have finally arrived. You are very much needed my dear, and I can't come close to express how much." The general spoke with utmost respect and excessive calmness that made her worry even more instead of tranquilizing her as he was probably trying to do.

Did he really think she would breathe easy before she saw him? She touched the pocket in the right side of her tunic were the letter he had sent not even a week ago resided. The messenger hawk had arrived that quiet morning and she was happy to have been there to receive it and read it immediately after detaching it from the bird's pouch. She had packed her bags in record time and was waiting for the ship he said was coming for her before it even approached the horizon of Republic City. She could still feel the cold that had taken over her after reading it. In all honesty, it wasn't even necessary for her to take the letter out to recite the text word for word, the spirits knew she had read it over and over on the trip here.

_Dear Master Katara:_

_I write to you with the utmost despair. Tragedy has stricken the house of the Firelord once again and I'm afraid to say that your help will be sorely needed here to surpass this dark moment…_

It was written unlike any other missive she had previously received from the Dragon of the West, way more formal than all their gaang was accustomed to. It looked more like an invitation to a peace summit, an international council, any other of their work duties than words from an old friend, someone they consider part of their little made up family. From the very beginning she was taken over by pure dread and started imagining the worst case scenario.

"General Iroh, here I am, as you requested." She answered.

"And I'm so very grateful for it, from the bottom of my heart, my dear." He bowed his head once again but not as pronounced as the first time."Shall we?" He said while pointing to the palanquin so she would get in.

"Iroh, how is..." She started but he cut her short before she could finish.

"My dear, you'll find that for this query no matter how far I extend myself, you won't be satisfied until you see for yourself." He said while holding the curtain of the chaise open so she could get in.

The trip from the Harbor city to Caldera was interminably long. The silence didn't help at all. For someone who could express such desperation in the written word he was carrying himself with great poise. Though, that probably was the result of his royal upbringing. It surely was a thing to not talk about the very private royal affairs that were happening at the moment in such a public place as it was a trip from port to the palace in a palanquin carried by servants and where privacy was only provided by what appeared to be a very flimsy fabric. She was terribly worried so it would have been nice to have anything filling the silence. In the silence she could only think of the sinking feeling that permeated everything around her.

_That is why I'm asking you as a friend, of both Zuko and mine, if you could come to the capital city. I'll send a ship immediately after this messenger hawk leaves the palace, with the hope you are able and willing to make the trip to this lands to accompany us for a short season._

All the city was quiet. The servants were somber, the guards even more so than usual, which was saying much talking about Fire Nation guys who preferred to be serious than agreeable. The sky was so very dark, there wasn't many people on the street, either in Harbor city or when they entered Caldera. The few people you could see where looking down and sad, like if the feelings of the sky where being reflected in the citizens of the Fire Nation. Or, maybe, it was the sky reflecting what the people it was looking over were feeling. What a tragedy! How could something like this happen, and now?

Before she could keep going over that line of thought, one she had explored aplenty while on the boat ride here, they arrived to the entrance of the palace. Iroh and her got off from the palanquin and said hi to the servants that were there to receive them. After Iroh gave instructions to take her things to the guest rooms that were already prepared for her, he started walking briskly towards the royal family wing. They walked through unending hallways and doors, a few galleries that gave way to the beautiful gardens inside the palace. They had walked a long distance already when Iroh's voice brought her out of her ruminations.

"I'm so sorry my dear for my cold demeanour at your welcome, but things have been a little chaotic over here. The recent events have called for a reinforcement of security and we are trying to walk with eyes in our back all the time. Desperate times are calling for harsh measures." Iroh began while still walking rapidly to the private quarters of the family.

"Iroh, I don't understand anything. I barely understand what is happening." She said, tired of knowing only half of what had happened, of what was clearly happening still. And angry, she was beginning to get angry that the only thing she wanted to know was not the starting point of Iroh's talk.

"Oh yes, I think I'm right to assume that since you had a hasty departure from the Earth Kingdom were not able to hear the rumors of what has happened over here. That is if any information has been leaked to there, we have tried to control everything that's being said about this as much as possible."

"Iroh, what are you trying to say?" Ideas were beginning to form in her head and none were nicer than what she had been thinking until that very moment.

"As I was saying, things are not really simple at this moment, neither in the Fire Nation nor at the palace. I'm afraid my dear girl that we are most probably infiltrated, that's why you'll find that my letter as my behaviour have been rather odd and not really forthcoming with information." He continued, and kept walking.

_It saddens me that your visit will be in this dire situation, notwithstanding,..._

The corridors were interminable, there seemed that there was always another door to cross another lush garden, another lounge, another corner, she felt like they were walking inside of an ever twisting maze and they could never reach its center She wondered if it was really like that or her anxiety was making everything more grievous, the Royal Palace had always seemed incredibly large and daunting to her, but this was bordering on the ridiculous, unless Iroh was taking her for a turn on purpose.

She noticed that the amount of servant and guards started to diminish the more they got into the maze, the faces started to turn more and more familiar, people she had seen and been attended by in her previous visits. She even saw a couple of people that had been serving in the Fire Nation palace from before the war was over, she would never forget the faces of the people that helped her after Sozin's comet, of course. And Iroh, ever the mind reader, said to her:

"I see you've noticed that the people working in this area are some of the longest serving people in the palace, they have all been handpicked to serve the Fire Lord on such close quarters, but now the number has decreased only to the most reliable and trustworthy of them. I'm sure you'll find that all of those are in your acquaintance."

"Iroh, please, you just keep worrying me and have said nothing at all about… anything really. What in the spirit's name's going on?"She was on the verge of screaming, she was going to stop right there and then and demand that the Dragon of the West said to her everything that he was crypticly insinuating. She was about to do it when they suddenly turned a corner and the air was invaded by a strong smell. A smell she would always associate with the war, a strong smell of something that had been burnt to the ground. It was not strange, in the Fire Nation, for the smell of fires and ashes to be around but if she was feeling it now, at some distance of wherever it had happened and, if fears were right, almost a week after it was put down this wasn't just a small accidental fire. Then they turned the corner of the hallway they were walking through and everything dawned on her.

In front of her was a huge black spot, it went from the the floor almost to the ceiling. The black stain occupied what used to be one of the private chambers doors. But it couldn't be called a door anymore since half of it was completely burnt and the other one was coming off its hinges, broken down by strength more than by the fire it seemed. She stopped for a moment and stood in front of the eerie sight, the inside only worsening her impressions. The lavish interior was burnt down to ashes, almost completely, the rich tapestries that used to decorate the walls were ripped by fire in the lower half and and filled with soot and black spots in the upper one. There was furniture everywhere, tossed around, as if a fight had taken place in the middle of the inferno that turned every wood piece into the black remains left after a strong blaze. The walls had been licked by feet long fire tongues, from one side of the room there wasn't a single space that had been saved from the fury with which this fire had been thrown. In the middle of the all terrible, terrible scene was the skeleton of a canopy bed, it's size and decorations must have showed the opulence of its owner, however in its current state it only could tell a tale of misery and tragedy.

All in all it was horrible sight to see. She hadn't seen destruction by fire like this since the war ended, at least not in this degree and not in what was considered peaceful soil. While Katara was watching the scene, trying to read into it as much as she could, fearing every conclusion that she was getting from what she saw it finally occurred to her to ask the most obvious question the image answered.

"Iroh… whose bedchamber is this?" Her voice trembled with fear and uncertainty, she didn't want her suppositions to be real.

"This, my dear, were the Fire Lady's private chambers." Iroh said with a grave voice.

_...it is my duty to inform you that Lady Mai, Firelady of the Fire Nation has passed away…_

"Oh my…" She gasped. The anxiety she had been repressing inside her started coming out in little shakes and trembles all over her body. When she had received the letter she had not imagined that this would be what happened. This was not mere accident or consequence of life. She had been expecting something less serious and dangerous than what appeared to have happened in the palace. The letter that she had read over and over in the trip over had not been open to the dark that was really behind Mai's death. If she had felt like crying before, now it would be an understatement. Her heart that had already been breaking inside of her now was openly bleeding thinking of all the victims in this tragedy, not only Mai, but also those she left behind.

_...soon after giving birth to the heir of the crown prematurely, last week._

Those words had confused her, she was led to believe that she had died in the throes of childbirth, not really something as uncommon as one would like to think, even with the technological advances of the Fire Nation. She had come prepared for dealing with a dark side of life but still a tragic part of nature, but everything inside that room spoke of unspeakable violence. The increment in the security, the carefulness that Iroh was issuing regarding the servants, the information that he delivered and where. Something horrible had happened, something beyond what she had previously dared to imagine.

Suddenly it came back to her mind, the real purpose she was here for. And now she wasn't going to let Iroh misguide her about it. She needed answers now and she was not beyond demanding them by force from the Dragon of the West.

"Iroh, take me to Zuko…"

"My dear, Zuko's…" He started but she cut him abruptly.

"Now! Iroh, please, I need to see him."

"Oh my dear, I think that first and foremost, there's someone you need to meet, before really grasping all that is happening right now." He said with a sad look, closing his eyes and trying to take a calming deep breath, though the tension in his shoulders didn't go anywhere.

They kept walking a short way till they reached a new chamber, one she hadn't been into in her previous visits, even though she could recognize that the it was closer to the garden with the turtleduck pond that Zuko seemed to favour so much.

"Please, come in Katara" he said opening the door that was heavily guarded by the Fire Lord private guards. After crossing the threshold he nodded to a woman that was peacefully lounging in a chair inside, keeping watch of a crib that had been placed in the middle of the room, directly in the little light coming through the enormous windows opposite the main entrance. It was a nursery, the royal nursery.

_Thanks Agni, the baby is in good health…._

"Dear Master Katara of the Southern Water Tribe, I'm honoured to present to you, the Crown Princess of the Fire Nation, heir to the throne of Fire Lord Zuko." He approached the crib and lifted a small bundle of red and pink blankets.

Katara approached him carefully until she was beside him and the budle was no longer just blankets but a little face and little hands moving around in his arms. He looked at the baby with utmost care and devotion, almost erasing every trace of the grim look he had been sporting since she arrived. She let go of her caution and looked, really looked and the little infant in his arms.

She was beautiful, small and extremely beautiful. Katara was completely entranced with the baby girl. She began taking note of what she could distinguish. She had light colored skin, just like both her parents, light gray eyes, so common to newborns, and a little tuft of black hair, soft as fluff. She wasn't a week old but she was even smaller than a normal newborn. She remembered briefly the letter saying that she had come prematurely and it started to make sense in her head. She was looking intently to her, almost as if with decision, like if they were studying one another. She lifted her hand and tried to touch her cheek, reacting as she usually did when meeting a baby, cooing and smiling, but before she could the baby grabbed her finger rather strongly in her minuscule hands.

"Want to carry her for a moment, my dear?" Iroh said, noticing how in that exact moment Katara had fallen in love with the little Fire Princess, just as he had when he met her.

They maneuvered to pass the little bundle from his arms to her, trying to be as careful as possible, but none of them was new to the art of carrying children around.

As soon as Katara had her in her arms she felt, somehow, as if all the dread and horror of what she had witnessed before coming here was being lifted off her shoulders. She just simply couldn't stop looking at the small baby. It was as if she was bewitched, and most certainly she must be, because things only were getting more and more complicated by the second. She had come here with every intention of meeting this little bundle of joy but she had never expected for their meeting to be this significant. She had carried and cared for plenty of babies before, she had even helped deliver some in her life, but never before had she felt this connected to a tiny human being that couldn't even understand what she was doing or saying.

In that precise moment, almost as if the spirits themselves where blessing their meeting, the sky above the palace opened and a strong ray of warm sunlight came into the window, catching the attention of the small girl in her arms.

"Oh dear oh dear, it seems that Agni is happy with your acquaintance my sweet girls. Why don't you salute him directly." He said with a suggestive look towards the window.

Katara didn't have to be told twice and she started walking to it. Certainly the sunlight coming through it was a nice reprieve from the dark skies that had greeted her in the last part of her journey and at her arrival. It seemed as if some hope was trying to make way through the dark and confusion that was plaguing this land around this days. As soon as she was in front the window pane, she noticed that it was actually a glass door leading to the garden she had visit so much with Zuko before, and right before them, standing looking to the turtleduck pond, his back to them, was the man that had been plaguing her mind since receiving the missive that brought her here.

"Oh Zuko…" she sighed softly, but not softly enough for it to go past Iroh, who was approaching her slowly.

_However, it is the Firelord that has me worried._

She turned to Iroh and before she could ask he spoke, softly enough for it to remain between them, keeping in mind the presence of the nurse maid that Katara had completely forgotten about.

"He is not well, that's the answer you have been seeking. He's not well at all. I fear that this has been the last straw on his back. Certainly life hasn't been kind to him before, but at least this last few years he had cultivated some sense of normalcy, even if they had been harder than the previous ones. He was… quite excited… about everything that this days should have entailed and this loss was not something he was expecting or was prepared for. Even less so in the way that it all happened." He looked downwards with a pain that spoke of the love he had for his nephew. "I wish I could take this burden from his shoulders, but sadly life is what it is and he has been dealt a rough hand, once again. Since it all happened he has barely uttered a word, has barely eaten, barely slept at all. His mind seems to be working non stop but at the same time he is not here when you try to speak to him. And knowing the pain he is going through as only someone that has gone through it before can I understand this behaviour, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to stand here and watch my beloved nephew whither with pain while his life and nation crumble around his pain. If my life taught me anything is that even though one desires to succumb to pain and sorrow, one mustn't fall captive of such addictive and negative emotions, sometimes when you come back from all of it, things are worse than when you left."

Katara listened to him intently, observing the imposing figure outside the window. His back was stiff, his posture straight, to straight for comfort, there was an aura of tension, pain and sorrow surrounding him. His head was low, his eyes observing the few turtleducks that were swimming around the pond, mindless to the situation or the people around them. At the same time, as big and strong he looked there was something dejected about him, she could easily imagine that beneath the Fire Lord robes, with all the yards of fabric and shoulder pads, that he was certainly not holding himself as high as he tried to project. He seemed as the statue of a defeated man that was trying everything in his power to keep going, and maybe that wasn't as far away from the truth as it seemed.

"My dear Katara, I'm afraid I may be at the end of my rope right now. As you may have realized, this is not, by any means, a normal situation. There's a lot to fix and take care of, and as much as I would like to take care of everything I'm an old man and no longer able to delude myself of being all powerful and capable of solving every problem that comes my way..."

_So I beg you to take the ship I'm sending. It will be waiting for you at the harbour of Republic City the day after receiving this message. _

"I understand, I'll do whatever I can. If you want to I can take care of the baby. You can count on her wellbeing and safety as long as I am here" She said, interrupting the question he was definitely going to make.

"My dear, as much as it gladdens me to hear you say that and I don't doubt that you would make an excellent job with her, I have not asked you to come to take care of the princess. As I've been saying, the Fire Lord is not really in a favourable position and it is _his _well being that worries my soul. So what I'm begging you is for you to take care of him, to be the friend you have been for him so many times before and to be there to answer in a way I seem no longer able to answer him. I know that this little cutie has side tracked us, but the real problem is beyond this glass standing mere feet from us but a thousand miles away at the same time. So that's why I'm not inviting you but begging you to remain with us, we need you my sweet girl, I'm afraid now more than ever before."

_My dear, I beg you to consider it._

_Iroh_

She never imagined that she would hear the Dragon of the West plea so openly to someone, but she guessed he would never put anything above what Zuko needed. What she thought was merely a figure of speech had turned into a very real look of desperation and a tone in his voice that made all of this much more tragic. He was begging for something she wouldn't have had to be told twice to do. She had once a long time ago promised to never turn her back on the people that needed her, less so friends as dear as Zuko and Iroh were. The whole purpose for her taking that blessed ship with barely any time to pack or fix her affairs was that in her mind the words '_Zuko needs me'_ had resonated so strongly that they were the ones moving her till she boarded the ship that brought her here.

She looked at the baby in her arms that had fallen asleep sometime through Iroh's talking. She certainly was small and fragile but she looked pretty good and taking care of her health wouldn't be any problem at all with her healing abilities. Zuko on the other hand, once again was sporting scars that no healing waters will be able to fix, even if this ones weren't visible to everybody. The turmoil in his soul must be great indeed, she feared not even her would be able to get through it. But they couldn't lose hope of getting to him and help him come out of the dark place he was in.

"Iroh, you don't even have to ask. I will always be here for Zuko, no matter how long or how much he needs me" She answered decisively.

"Dear Katara, you do understand that I'm asking you to abandon all your life just for us, right? I almost feel ashamed to do it"

"Almost, of course, because you would do anything for him, and guess what, I would too. So don't worry, I can pause some of the things I'm doing to help the friends who need me.- She answered with a half smile, already making mental lists of everything she would need to take care of to make her moving to the Fire Nation more simple and smooth than simply jumping on and off a boat on a whim." I'm staying Iroh, and there's nothing anyone can do to stop it, if not for her, for him and if not for him, for you. I'm needed here and will be of more use than in a stupid political assembly. And that's final, so get rid of your false guilt and modesty because we both know this was your idea in the first place.

"Master Katara, I'm most grateful and honoured, for your kind spirit, your loyalty and more than everything for the affection with which you hold my beloved nephew. I thank you." He said, making a formal Fire Nation reverence, the one reserved for the figures that deserved the most respect.

"Please, don't mention it General.- She said turning back to the window, tucking the baby closer to her chest. Life really was a funny thing, how it twisted and changed. And how sometimes, everything took a 180 turn, putting everything upside down. There was a long way before them.


	2. The Funeral

So, yeah, I have been a little MIA once again, but yeah, that's life I guess. So I've been crazy busy and wasn't able to finish this chapter soone. Also it had been brewing for a long while until today lady godess inspiration came and graced me with how to go on with this story. I know that there's not much dialogue or action really happening but I need still to like set all this right so I can advance to what I've deviced as my path and finish line. Believe this story has a plot and a purpose but it is still kind of lost in translation from my brain to my fingers. Words are not coming as easy as the main events for an outline had appeared. Also stories are not made only of main events but of the things that happen around those events that create the scenary for them to happen. Aaaand I also enjoy a lot trying to make a character study out of Katara. It's great to find myself writing again and I feel I should take this opportunity to take out everything that is on my mind and right now that is Katara's state of mind, kind of.

So I hope you enjoy it.

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**Chapter 2: The Funeral**

It was an interesting ceremony to say the least. The Fire Nation people, true to their element cremated their deads in big ceremonies were the Fire Sages gave eulogies and talked about the good and the legacy of the life of the departed. She assumed that most ceremonies must be a private affair between the family of the deceased and the friends and people who knew them. But in this case this would not be a closed ceremony, as much as that was Iroh's desire, though she couldn't understand why. Since she arrived Iroh had been acting all secretive and talked as little as he could about the incident of which consequences were experimenting right now. Barely anything had been said but he had made his dissatisfaction with a public service known, a lot. Since the dead this time was the very public person of the Fire Lady, actions had to be taken to make this not only a public affair but a whole event for the nobility and the people of the nation to come and participate.

It was a costum to give the people of the Fire Nation time to farewell their leaders and important service men. One of the external buildings of the palace or one of the temples would be set as a place for the body to lay in a wake where the people, rich or poor would be able to go and pay their respects to the important citizen who had just passed away. At this moment the people would usually bring incense, flowers and missives that would be placed with the body at the moment of the cremation. This would last only a couple of days, a bit more if the person was extremely important like the Fire Lord himself, she imagined. Then the body would be taken by the priests to be prepared for the public cremation that would take place exactly seven days after the death. Prayers would be said to Agni and the people would wish for a safe journey of the spirit to the other world, now no longer tied to this world by mortal flesh and liberated by the same fire that Agni had given them at the beginning of all life. Everyone would be dressed in white, their mourning colour, though Iroh had said to her that people didn't follow this norm as strictly as others, unless of course we were talking of the regent himself once again. Of course in this case all the people that were part of the court, even her, were attired from head to toe in white tunics.

Afterwards the ashes would be put in special urns and in the case of very important heroes, the royal family and the ruler they would be taken to the dragon catacombs under the fire temple. Normal people usually kept the ashes in their family altars or houses, some decided to leave it at some temple, or set them free in some way or other.

Usually, going along with everything the Fire Nation did, everything was conducted in extreme order and organization. Every minute of the ceremony, even if the death was sudden and unexpected, was planned and prepared beforehand. For the royal family and very important militars and heads of state funerary plans were already prepared in the case of any contingency so everything would go smoothly. This was needed not only for political reasons, but also to pay the due respects to the soul of the diseased and comply with what Agni mandated from the spirit world.

She knew all this because Zuko had taken the time to teach her when she had come to the Fire Nation to become the water tribe ambassador. She was excited about the position she was to take over and made great efforts to learn everything cultural and political related that may be of use or not. She really hoped that this piece of information would be one she wouldn't have to deal with until very much later in their lives.

And here she was, putting all her knowledge to the test in the ceremony of the Fire Lady, the consort of the ruler of the Fire Nation, mother of the heir to the throne, sending off her spirit in a funeral that would be remembered for years to come because of how strange it was. All the circumstances surrounding the death of the Fire Lady were strange at best. Troubling and tragic would be the words that Katara would use to describe it, however word on the street was that it was all so very strange and tragic. Of course, the people of the fire nation weren't really up to date with everything that had happened that night and those who were, were keeping the secret very well. Except a few rumours that sounded too crazy for the people to really believe them the real thing was not in their minds yet.

Not even she had everything really clear about what had happened that night, she had an idea and an inkling of what might have occurred but those were suspicions and not facts. She had tried to approach Iroh on the subject but he always seemed to be preoccupied about something or other. everything she asked received the answer of 'Later, my dear' followed by the question 'Have you had any luck today?' which referred as to why she hadn't been able to ask Zuko.

In the five days that had gone by since her arrival and the ceremony she had barely seen Zuko. Hadn't even spoken to him. She knew he knew she was there, and she had the impression that he was making every supernatural effort he could to avoid her. He had yet to acknowledge her presence in any way. He had not come to her to even say hello, and had barely looked her way whenever they crossed paths while going round their days in the palace. He went about his day mostly locked up in his office, doing all the firelordy, in Sokka's words, things he always did, coming out only to some important meetings with only the highest circle of advisers, not even Katara was allowed into those, diplomat or not.

Only Iroh spoke with him on a daily basis, since he was the only one who dared going inside his study, unless they were a summoned servant. She was starting to believe he had set house there, but according to Iroh and a few servants she had asked he did come out to sleep in his own quarters. Though she was sure he definitely was doing anything but sleeping calmly. Besides Iroh kept saying how whenever he went to see him he was looking worse for wear and that the only words they crossed were of business, no matter how he tried to persuade him to go outside, relax or talk about what happened. Typical Zuko behavior, she thought they had put that behind them.

Five days. Five dinners had gone by and he had been absent to all of them, every night just her and Iroh to share some food, some ideas and a lot of worryness and stilted conversation. Five breakfast and the same story, just instead of talking of what had been solved they talked of what had to be solved still. In those five days she had been to visit the little princess as much as she could while helping Iroh set up everything for the funeral rites that had to take place for Mai, while she went about organizing her life and what was to become of it, and she had never seen him there. Five days and he hadn't seen his daughter, even more if you took Iroh's word. He hadn't even gone back to the turtleduck pond or the garden. Five days in into all this and she already realized that she was living with a ghost. To be exact: a ghost, an infant, a worry and fearsome general and a herd of servants that were more worried about the royal family than themselves. And herself, whom was already a mess before coming here and was making that mess even bigger.

Life was hard and she was somehow at her wits end. There was too much going on and she needed to organize her mind, give some order to her thoughts and ideas. Everything was happening too fast and even though she could realize that the worst was probably still around the corner she was exhausted already. Just five days had gone by and though she wasn't regretting it or taking it back, she certainly was having second thoughts about what she accepted to do.

What was she even doing here? She had her own problems, her own life to take care of and, practically on a whim decided to leave everything, uproot herself to the other end of the world to bring life back to a man who had decided he was to die at the same moment his wife did? To take care of an infant child that would never even understand who she was and what was she doing there? To be the support of an old man, who had already done more than he had to, that was holding the weight of a family and a nation on his tired shoulders? What was to be of her from now on? Was she going to abandon a life at diplomacy and a job of importance to become the babysitter of the whole Royal Fire Nation Family? She felt her head would explode any moment now. Another preoccupied servant searching for her because they couldn't convince the Fire Lord to open the door for lunch and she would jump out of this ship.

And even though all that went through her mind at least two thousand times since she arrived she knew that in the end she wouldn't leave. Not even if she really had to put on hold her job as a diplomat in the Council of the Nations and if she couldn't perform her duties as Water Tribe Ambassador for months to come. Not even if her family and friends begged her to leave the island as soon as she could. She would stay and weather this with them, because they were her family too and they needed her, and she needed them to be OK and they were not and would not be for a long time. She just hoped he wouldn't make things harder than they were and that someone, anyone from the group would arrive any moment soon, she needed to have a good cry and you couldn't do that when you were the rock supporting others.

The hardest part of all was writing the letters to the rest of the gaang. Telling them that they were needed immediately in the Fire Nation and if they could abandon all their lives the moment they received the letters and take the first medium of transportation available to come here. But all that was delusional, they were, first of all, separated by duty and distance. She had been the only one staying in republic city for the council of the nations meetings. Sokka had gone with Suki to Kyoshi Island to take care of some sort of natural disaster that had happened and that needed his engineering skills to be solved. Toph was dealing with some kind of group of bandits that were using special earth bending techniques in Omashu and had been there for a month already, since Bumi had called her for help. And Aang's whereabouts were unknown, after, after… things, he had decided to take a bit of a spiritual/soul searching/airbender searching trip and he had still to come back or make himself known.

In an ideal situation she would write to all of them, tell them the situation and make arrangements for Aang to go with Appa to every place they were staying and just pick them all up and bring them here. They would probably still not manage it before the funeral but at least they would be here for the time after. Now looking at things as they were it was difficult to estimate how long it would take them to arrive here each one on their own. And it was a wild guess trying to reach the Avatar at all. If he even received the letter a month after it was sent it would be on a spirit's whim.

Actually in an ideal world she would be writing them with the good news of the new little member of their made up family. They would all get together to celebrate, probably drink till dawn. They would all laugh and share hugs and gawk over the baby. Toph would do everything in her power to annoy the new parents till they would try to kick her out of the palace, Sokka would lament in a really low voice that the baby wasn't a boy, Suki would scold everyone and take care of the girl, tell her she would be an amazing warrior, that her aunts would make sure of it and Aang would be introducing the princess to Momo and playing with the air around her. Iroh would be laughing cheerfully retelling old stories about Zuko as a baby or Mai as a child, when they met, the lives they shared, Zuko would try to stop him from telling the really embarrassing ones, Mai would probably be her quiet self, a little bit on the side but with a smile on her face, looking on and enjoying the rukus they all made. All would be perfect and they would all be happy, enjoying each other's company. Why couldn't that be reality and not plain daydreaming.

Katara was feeling a little overwhelmed. She had agreed to do all this, to be here, for him, for them, all of them but suddenly just thinking all that had to be done to keep things running was making her a little bit crazy. Fun thing was that she had worked previously for a really short time as an ambassador for the water tribes in the fire nation, as some kind of preparation for her taking her place at the council of the nations in Republic City. Still the months she spent here, though they had prepared her for a lot of political disturbances they had not made her ready to face personal situations that would have political importance. Ironic since her whole life was just that, something personal that would always influence the future of the world. It seemed that she was destined for it.

But overwhelmed and all here she was. Still standing and facing the crowd that was facing them, up there on that dais, with suspicion and untrustworthiness. She could understand why the people found it all strange. First of all the death of the Fire Lady was announced days after it had actually happened, then there was no wake at all, the body was never laid to rest in the temple or the palace for the people to pay their respects, it was later announced by the palace spokesman that the decision was taken by the fire sages to avoid the feeling of pain among the people because the Fire Lady's body was already calcined so there would be no real image to dismiss. Then the day of the cremation ceremony it was announced that they would dismiss along with the Fire Lady, the soul of a valiant servant who had tried to save her the moment the accidental fire broke out.

The bodies were laid on the pire only in the ceremonial wrap and some incense, no flower arrangements, no letters, no carvings or personal objects laid with them. At the last moment Zuko got close and laid over each one a Black Bat Orchid, a rare flower that she wasn't certain if it was related to the situation, to Mai or to anything at all. Honestly she would have to ask Iroh what the flowers meant. She had never seen them before but if she knew Zuko as well as she did she knew they weren't chosen just because.

And worst of all, the thing that made the people feel out of odds was that the ceremony was kept short, extremely short for fire Nation, all in all, between the moment the bodies entered the coronation plaza to when they were set on fire it was more or less half and hour. The sages barely said the most important prayers, announced the biggest triumphs and legacies each had (_Mai, the Fire Lady, wife of Zuko and mother to the crowned princess of this nation, daughter of Ukano and Michi, sister of Tom-Tom, member of the honourable house of Shàngguān - Shua, a noble servant woman who fell while doing the greatest service of trying to help others _\- she couldn't help but think how both these women lives had been reduced to nothing more than what others thought important of them, no word about the servant's life and affections, not a word about Mai's long list of accomplishments on her own). Then the pire was on fire and before everyone knew it, it was over. Both bodies were almost completely burned out already so there wasn't much for the fire to eat.

Before the fire was completely out people started leaving the plaza among comments and more rumours. At least, for what she heard from where she was people weren't still spewing doubt over the Fire Lord. His defeated appearance spoke more of his pain than any words could, which was good when you thought about public relations for the crown and the history they harbored for taking out members of their own family when they found it convenient. Considering what little she knew about it all she knew that if the people were to know it the social unrest would be ten times worse and the mess to fix a hundred times bigger. Best for them to just gossip as long as they stayed good and calm, at least for a while.

In the end the only ones left in to see the end of everything were Zuko, Iroh, herself and a bunch of Sages, servants and guards that were obligated to remain there.

She felt so alone on that place, maybe because Zuko was so preoccupied with the day's events and Iroh was too with Zuko. She longed for the Dowager Fire Lady to come back soon from her trip, at least then she would have someone by her side to guide her. She didn't know what to do. It didn't matter how much she had studied the Fire Nation customs when it came to protocol she was always at a loss, the results from being raised in a small village where everybody knew everybody and treated each other as close family. Here things were mandated by pre established behaviour. She wasn't even sure she was supposed to be there, and the looks she kept receiving from some sages and courtiers only served to act as confirmation of her fears. She wanted to leave, go back to the safety of her chambers or the nursery, the only places where she felt free of her stifling doubts, her overwhelming responsibilities and her fear and desolation birth from this situation. At least in her room she could be by herself and try to think of way to proceed and in the nursery, the little ray of sunshine that was the new princess stole every bad thought from her.

She couldn't believe how easily she had fallen in love with the baby. She had always been prone to children, she had taken care and helped birth more than she could count since she was really young; but the attachment she experienced from the first moment she laid eyes on her was indescribable. Whenever she held her she felt a warmth spark in her chest and a smile to appear in her face. She had been going to see her as much as she could, specially in the moments when she second guess herself. She had begun to call her her little ray of sunshine since she had a real sunny disposition and always felt like a little bundle of warmth, most probably because of the inner fire she most surely had inside her. But above anything, perhaps because of the circumstances of their meeting, or because of the calm she brought to the storm of her thoughts, she was her ray of hope, a small silver lining to all the madness going round them.

Notwithstanding, she still wondered about the rapidness with which this bond was created. Not five days on and she was set to give her life for that little bundle of joy. Maybe it was because this was the first baby born to someone really close to her. Zuko was the first of them to become a father and none of the others seemed to be directing in that path anytime soon, also he was her closest friend in the group. Ever since the war the had shared a deep special bond that not even the distance and duty had been able to weaken, not that it had happened with her other friends, however it seemed that things were always special when it concerned him.

She was so lost in this kind of thoughts that she almost missed the moment the fire gave out and extinguished for good. The only thing left was smoke and ashes and then finally she felt as reality really set in. The heavy burden she had been wondering about not even seconds before set as a deep profound pain in the center of her chest. She could feel the tears coming to her eyes and she would be dead before losing face in front of the stuck up sages and courtiers that remained. Before any of the other had begun their departure from the plaza, she turned around and took of like the very spirits were chasing her.

"Lady Katara" she heard someone shout after her, but she could barely distinguished who with her blood pumping in her ears.

She ran to the insides of the palace and turn corners like a mad woman, she was barely able to dodge the poor servants that crossed her path. But she cared for none of that. She had to get to her room before she collapsed, because she was going to, this was not just some few tears that would silently run down her face with grace or an angry tantrum with self righteousness accompanied with frustration's tears neither emotional tears borne from the sentiment provoqued in one of her inspiring tirades. No this was going to be ugly and embarrassing and weakening and her pride wouldn't let her live with herself if she showed herself so vulnerable in front of everybody, even less so since she was there as support and not to be supported herself.

The thoughts she had wanted to maintain at bay since arriving were finally flowing free, and none of them were petty doubts about her future or her role. The deep stuff she always had to maintain at bay was coming out and she was not worried for it at all. Here she was trying to fix a broken family when she was still broken herself from the same ailment. A mother was lost, a wife was lost and things for her dear friends would never be the same. To many memories were running in her head, memories of loss and pain, of growing without a mother, without the person she would always need by her side and would never again be there, no matter how much she wished to.

At the same time she felt the pain of a friend lost, not a close one but one indeed. How many years had them all shared with Mai there, not always the best of company for their little rambunctious group but she was there, part of their lives. They had shared conversations, meals, parties, moments and moments that would never repeat themselves that were going round and round her head.

She could feel the sobs beginning to shake her body. The air was becoming scarce and she could feel the walls closing in on her. She was in her corridor, just a few feet more and she would be in the safety of her privacy, able to crumble as she pleased.

The effects of her pain were making her dizzy, alongside with the memories that were driving her crazy, good times together with recollections of her desolated motherless childhood, imaginations of a little princess growing wondering why she has no mother and why her father is detached and taciturn, and the words from that fight, that awful last fight the one that set off her personal hell for the last few weeks. She was on the verge of something terrible and the door seemed to always be further and further aways, until on her last of her strength she reached and opened it with desperation.

It wasn't till after she had slammed the door behind and was trying to make her way to her bed amidst the sea of her tears that she noticed she was not alone.

"Oh, my dear. Oh, my sweet, sweet Katara, come here my child" She said with the utmost care and compassion and Katara was unable to do anything else but fall to her knees and hide her face in the woman's lap.

"Oh Lady Ursa, it hurts, it hurts so much" She cried out.

"I know, my child. Don't worry, I'm here, I'm here for you sweetie. You've done good, let it all out." And while she hugged Ursa's waist with desperation, Katara cried her whole heart out.

* * *

So this was it. I wonder if you were surprised by that tidbit in the end. I certainly was, I was not expecting for it and had been debating for some while if Ursa was even going to be in this story, I was this close to killing her of or keeping her prisoner so I was able to write a piece about her rescue later. But since it's been so long after the war I felt like a total shit keeping her a prisoner and Zuko needs more love and killing of his mother just because I didn't know how to introduce her was too much I think.

Also I leave you here the meanings of the deseased names I thouroughly googled just to not feel like a shitty writer that just invents other culture names without rime or reason.

Shàngguān (上官, "high official"), mai's last name

Servant is called Shua Hebrew: שׁוּעַ, pronounced "Shuaʿ", with an ayin glottal stop at the end, "opulence" or "cry for help"

About the Black Bat Orchid flower I mentioned. Black bat flowers (scientifically known as Tacca chantrieri) is a plant that belongs to the ylam famiy. There are 10 species of bat flowers that differ in size, color and type of habitat where they can be found. Black bat flowers are native to tropical parts of southeastern Asia (China, Thailand and Burma). Jungle is natural habitat of black bat flowers. It provides high humidity, shade and well drained soil, which are all essential for the proper growth and development of the plant. People cultivate black bat flower because of its large, decorative leaves and unique type of flowers. Unfortunately, black bat flower is very rare in the wild and it cannot be cultivated easily because it can survive only under specific environmental conditions. Black bat flowers don't like greenhouses because they lack breeze. Unusual morphology of the plant is responsible for a widely spread superstition. Allegedly, evil eye will start stalking you if you spend too much time looking the plant. According to another false belief, too much watching of plant may result in sudden death of an individual or some of her/his close relative. Black Bat Flower is a poisonous plant, in homeopathy this flower is indicated for when experiencing the 'dark night of the soul' or our deepest fears and obsessions. Because of the several names it has and the animals it is usually related to for it's shape it represents seeing through illusions, courage, personal strengh and willpower and a spiritual transformation that not even your loved ones would recognize you.

So that was longer than I intended to, anyway I hope that clears any doubts you may have and I encourage you to google the flower because it looks spooky awesome.

So to end this remember I'm not a native speaker and that I would love some feedback on this. So even if it is to say, hey you misspelled this or you have a typo over here, I would really apreciate it.

Kat


End file.
